Endings & Beginnings

"The temptation towards resolution, towards wrapping up the package, seems to me a terrible trap. Why not be more honest with the moment? The most authentic endings are the ones which are already revolving towards another beginning." ~ Sam Shepard

I am selling my house in Austin. The closing is on Monday. Part of me wants to fly there to spend one last weekend in the cute little cottage I used to call home. Though I only lived there for three years, they were full of activity, evolution and growth. I lived there from age 26 to 29. I've rented it out ever since moving to Guatemala in the summer of '09. I have many memories from the Dittmar years (that's the name of the street it's on, just off South First and six miles south of downtown). I shared the house with two awesome roommates with whom I'm still friends: first Edward for six months, then for almost three years, Leanne. We did a lot of yoga and meditation in the house and people would often comment on feeling a peaceful energy when they would come in. I was a new teacher at the time, and worked at a bilingual public elementary school two miles away. I had one serious boyfriend, briefly, during that period, but mostly I was single and dating or pseudo-dating a bunch of forgettable men. I threw lots of parties. Small dinner parties as well as larger shindigs with kegs of beer in the big backyard.I remember moving in with the help of my dad and my friend Tommy. I remember the sweltering summer days mowing the yard. I remember my nutty old Vietnam vet neighbor, Terry, who I'd often talk to, him yellin' at me from his front porch. When he found out Leanne and I were vegetarian, he hollered in disbelief, "Ya don't eat meat? Whaddy'all eat then?! Rice?" I remember my chihuahua Lucy and my calico cat Desi.I remember the imperfectly perfect hardwood floors and the way the sunlight shone into the house in the mornings.I enjoyed living there immensely but decided to give living abroad a go just for the fun of it. I realized shortly after moving that I preferred the lifestyle in Central America over the kind of life I'd been living in Austin. I've stayed almost six years and this year became a resident and am soon buying land and a small house. I met my husband and had our daughter here. The lake where I currently live is a truly amazing and beautiful place and I can't really imagine living anywhere else, though I still want to travel and explore other places in the world, as well as visit our families in the US and Colombia.However, I am feeling awfully nostalgic and a little bit guilty about selling the house. I am remembering the good and bad times I had there. Stories and people come to mind, some I relish and others I would rather forget. I feel like it cuts my ties to Austin somewhat, even though my parents and siblings still live there. I am glad to be selling it, don't get me wrong. I am grateful to my realtor and my dad who are basically handling everything for me and to the buyer, who happens to be a single woman in her twenties. I am grateful to all the good tenants I had who always paid their rent. I am grateful to have lived there, to have been a "homeowner," and I am especially grateful to be earning enough money from the sale to buy here and even have a little left over.With this ending comes a new beginning and the opportunity to plant roots here and create a new space as a home for our little familia. So it is with mixed emotions and much love that I bid Goodbye to my cute little old South Austin cottage!